Sunday, December 16, 2012

Nine Reasons Why Mormon Men Are Oppressed.

This is meant to be funny. I don't want to see any dudes wearing a dress to church next Sunday -- unless you are from someplace exotic, then wear your kilts, tunics, robes, and Polynesian wraps because those are just hot!


1. TREATS:
Almost every Sunday hungry men watch women walk out of Relief Society with candy, cookies, fresh bread, or some other delicious treat.

2. ACTIVITIES:
The women get parties, dinners, and other amazing activities every month. The men get  basketball. I don't think church ball is a great way for men to "bond." Someone always leaves bleeding.

3. CHAIRS:
The women get nice soft cushion chairs and the men get hard metal folding chairs. The men are also asked to set up and take down thousands of chairs every year.

4. VISITING TEACHERS:
Everyone gets Home Teachers, but only women get the luxury of Visiting Teachers.


5. CLOTHING:
Men wear heavy dark suits all year round. Even in summer when it's hot the men put on their coats while the women wear light knee length dresses and sandals. Then women complain its cold so they turn up the heat and the men sweat up a storm in dry clean only clothing.


6. THE MOTHER'S ROOM:
Where's the Father's Room with recliners so the father's can put their feet up and listen to their meetings in kingly comfort?

7. CALLINGS:
Men can be primary teachers, but have you ever seen a male primary president or primary councilor for that matter? I've even heard of women den leaders and women cub masters. The RS President is always a woman and so are the young women leaders. This goes all the way up the all women who work with the prophet. The majority of temple workers including ordinance workers are also women.

8. TIES:
A long strip of fabric wrapped around your neck then cinched in a tight knot like a hangman's noose. It also provides little protection for your white shirt when your kid spits up.


9. SHAVING:
If a woman decides she doesn't feel like shaving she can just wear high boots, a long skirt, or nylons to cover her legs. If a man decides not to shave he is seen as a slob and if he puts a nylon stocking over his face he gets the police called on him.